My life since metastatic osteosarcoma diagnosis October 2002. I am Audra, a 34 yr old female. My husband is Glen and our 6+ year old daughter is Angela.
|
|
| |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
| |
Tuesday, December 24, 2002
Christmas eve, Fario style. Audra, at least for a few hours, forgot about everything. For those of you that are reading this post, you'll be pleased to know that Christmas Eve went off without a hitch, and I have pictures to prove it. Thank goodness that the Fario's can sing to make up for the Lloyd's wbo were told, "you can't play the trumpet, you will just quit." As I write this many of you are on your way home. Thank you for coming and making Chiristmas Eve 2002 a great time. Not for just me and Audra but for everyone who attended. Some pictures from Christmas Eve will be posted shortly. Good news, Liz gets an automatic invitation to next year's part because of her gift.
Tuesday, December 24, 2002
Thursday, December 19, 2002
It’s been 7 days since Audra's initial treatment. Each day continues to be better than the previous. She's getting outside a bit more. Today she ran to her family doctor to get referrals (standard insurance run-around). She and her sister Angel went out to lunch and they took a ride to the Buxmont Gilda Club in Warminster, PA. I had encouraged Audra to get involved in some support group(s). Until today, Audra was starting to mope around the house, feeling sorry for herself. At the same time I felt like I was becoming less emotionally supportive. My patience sometimes runs thin, my advice is becomming redundant and we're both frustrated.
It isn't really healthy to sit in the house and dwell on the fact that one has cancer. This past week, Audra was mostly confined to the house because of the cold weather and her low tolerance for the cold as a side effect of the chemo, she had too much time to think about cancer and how terrible her food tastes. Her macrobiotic diet hasn't changed significantly but since she had so much time to dwell on cancer and the diet, I think she began questioning everything. Fact is, she's not the only one who has cancer, she's not the only one fighting cancer right now, she's now and she's not the only 30-something. She isn't the first and won't be the last person with cancer. She needs to get out and talk about it with similarly afflicted people. That's my opinion anyway.
Thursday, December 19, 2002
Tuesday, December 17, 2002
Finally some pictures. A bit out dated but pictures nonetheless.
Audra two days after surgery (not too bad):
http://mywebpages.comcast.net/lloydgj/audra.JPG
Audra posing with a doll that Angel & Nikki bought her:
http://mywebpages.comcast.net/lloydgj/audradoll.JPG
Little Angela stretching some article of clothing over her head:
http://mywebpages.comcast.net/lloydgj/lilangela.JPG
Tuesday, December 17, 2002
Sunday, December 15, 2002
Audra made it through this first weekend after Friday's treatment. The most prevalent side effect of this chemotherapy drug is that it makes patients extremely sensitive to the cold. Not just cold weather but anything cold such as cold tap water, open refrigerators, cool/cold air. One thing I learned years ago was not to elaborate on drug 'side effects' with Audra. During her treatments a few years back, the nurses would only tell Audra a drug's severe side effects, downplaying the likelihood of her having any and instructions to call if she did experience any problems. The nurses apparently forgot that they needed to downplay the side effects. That's not to say the side effects don't exist, they do. It’s just that Audra takes them all to an extreme. Case in point...
Yesterday, after Audra had been out shopping, she remained fully clothed for an hour and a half after she got home. I'm not sure how severe the side effects are but I know Audra came home Friday with plenty of stories about the worst cases. One in particular was about a patient who called '911' after opening the refrigerator and nearly choked because of the cold air that he/she breathed. Audra also said that it really doesn't make you choke (you throat closing), it only feels that way. Audra spent much of the weekend well protected from all cool and cold elements.
Audra is going through another 'phase' with her macrobiotic diet. Since the recent diagnosis she's been following a very restricted macrobiotic diet. She's growing a bit uninterested in her meals. Instead of thinking of the food's healing effects, she's thinking of how much better other things would taste.
Audra will keep busy this week. The doctors want a CAT scan and PET scan for which Audra needs to get referrals. She will also try to contact her nutritionist to make adjustments to her diet. I look forward to these adjustments most because her mood coincides closely with her satisfaction / dissatisfaction of her food.
Sunday, December 15, 2002
Thursday, December 12, 2002
Confession: Audra has never typed a single word in this, "her" bio-log. She did however read it beginning to end on Tuesday night. Now she knows how she felt and what she thought courtesy of her wonderful husband.
Audra and her sister Angel headed to NYC this morning at 4:30am. Big news folks, Angel was on time. She will probably be late for every engagement first half of 2003. Audra was scheduled for surgery at 7:30am. Per the last post, the purpose of this surgery was to have a Hickman port/line put in her chest for chemo treatments. This port is much easier on her and the nurses. I received a call from Audra around 10:30am telling me she was out of surgery. After an x-ray and a chat with one of the nurses about her upcoming chemo treatment, Audra and Angel were off to lunch.
If the current plan remains, Audra will return to NYC tomorrow morning to begin her treatments. Her first chemotherapy drug is called Oxaliplatin. Recently approved in the United Status after use in Europe and Asia, Oxaliplatin's primary use is listed as a treatment for metastatic (spreading) colon cancer.
You can get more info on OXALIPLATIN at: http://www.laurushealth.com/Library/FDADrugApprovals/eloxatin.htm
Here is a link to St. Vincent's Comprehensive Cancer Center. Audra's home away from home: http://www.svcmc.org/cancer/centers/manhattan.asp
One final note that I almost forgot to mention. Every insurance company detests an aggressive doctor and an anxious patient. And it’s always the patient that is further sickened with the stress of interacting with the insurance company and primary physician to gain the associated referrals and approvals for treatment. Audra stressed over this most of Tuesday and Wednesday. After all of the bullsh*t, and at least in Audra's case, the insurance company eventually approves everything...paying one time is a different story. There's some gratification in knowing a good lawyer who will get involved should someone along the managed care continuum become indifferent to the patient's needs.
Thursday, December 12, 2002
Monday, December 09, 2002
It appears as though Audra will be going through chemotherapy again. She's been in touch with her oncologist who we believe was on vacation last week. The oncologist has asked her to have an IV port (aka a "Hickman" I believe) surgically insert in her chest this week. This makes the administration of the chemo and blood tests very easy on Audra and the nursing staff. My job once again will be to keep the IV port and the incision area clean and sterile. I excelled at this job in 1999 and 2000 when she last had treatments.
Audra was told that she's going to receive a new platinum-based chemotherapy drug that will make her cold or make her sensitive to the cold. She had previously been on a drug called carboplatinum so I'm guessing this is just a new version. The chemo regimen that Audra goes through is usually brutal. Her oncologist is extremely aggressive and somehow Audra is able to tolerate the effects. There's little doubt that Audra will be on more drugs to control the side effects of the chemotherapy than actual chemotherapy.
It will be an interesting holiday. Her cancer will not stop spreading just because it’s the holiday season. Audra and her doctor won't let the season alter the treatment plan or its timing. Tomorrow is just like any other day for the cancer patient and the oncologist.
Monday, December 09, 2002
Tuesday, December 03, 2002
Audra and I went to NY to see the doctor and have her stitches removed. To start things off, Audra decided she wanted to go into the city for lunch first and then to her 1:13pm doctor's appointment.
We arrived in NYC about 11:30am. Audra wanted to go near the doctor's office and "find" a place around there. A macrobiotic place? No way. If Audra ate pizza and donuts, sure we could find a place. Besides that, its about 25 degrees outside and the wind-chill probably makes it 15 degrees. We're not looking for anything. We're going somewhere. Before we left the warmth of Penn Station (right!), Audra decided to return to the same restaurant where we ate just before her surgery. Italian, of course at it was 10 blocks north of the hospital, 40 35 blocks north of Penn Station. We fancy ourselves as NY savvy so we shoot over to the 1-2-3-9 subway and easily make our way to our little Italian restaurant, Pomodoro's (71st and Columbus for those following along at home).
We so good with the NY subway system we arrive 10 minutes before the restaurant opens. And apparently 2 hours before they turn the heat on. It was just a few degrees warmer inside the restaurant, probably due to the reduced wind.
To take in the entire NYC experience, we jumped in a taxi cab and took it to the doctor's office which was right next to the hospital where Audra had surgery (St. Luke's Roosevelt Hospital at 10th Ave. & 59th Street). Truth is, we didn't feel like walking two blocks back to the subway. It was too darn cold.
After a 1 hour and 15 minute wait beyond the appointment time, we finally saw the doctor. Give the doc a break, it is brain surgery after all. Doctor #1 make few snips and yanks and Audra's stitches were out. The doctor #2, the main man, asked how Audra was doing, any pain, any problems, any anything? No, No and No Audra replied. Doctor #2 doctor told Audra that she's a remarkable woman and wished her luck with her next course of treatment. Doctor #1 handed Audra the MRI's of her brain and away we went.
We are not yet ready to go home. We had to go back downtown, via the subway again, to the OTHER hospital where Audra's oncologist practices, the famous St. Vincent’s Hospital. This is the hospital where much of the 9/11 pictures and videos were taken. The hospital's cancer center was constructed three year ago. Its located two block north and a block west (8th Avenue & 14th Street) of the actual hospital (7th Avenue & 12 Street). We dropped off the MRI's and possibly tomorrow Audra will find out what her next course of treatment will be.
Now that the surgery is behind her, Audra is trying to mentally prepare for the treatments which will likely consist of both radiation and heavy chemotherapy. Audra has not said if she's willing to go through with the heavy chemo again. Because she shows not visible or physical signs of cancer, I think she believes she needs to fight as hard as possible. But knowing the difference between the current physical/visible signs and actual internal growth of the cancer, she may choose to live comfortably without the chemo. Whatever choice she makes will be the right one.
Tuesday, December 03, 2002
Sunday, December 01, 2002
I got Audra out to the mall yesterday for an hour, just to get her out of the house. We bought our au pair (maid?) Angel a watch to replace one that she had lost a few months ago. Audra said she was exhausted after that hour at the mall. It was a bit crowded.
Today I was told how to properly load the dishwasher so Audra is recouperating just fine and things are certainly getting back to normal. This morning when she got up she said she felt better than any other day. She's also been cooking more and more each day. Audra's ear, which had been clogged since the operation, is starting to unclog. Problem is that every time she swallows, her ear pops. Today during breakfast she said it only 'popped' sometimes.
I'm bringing Angela over to Cyn's for Lindsay's birthday party this afternoon. Audra will get a little break before I head back to work tomorrow and she resumes day-to-day family business.
Sunday, December 01, 2002
Friday, November 29, 2002
Any holiday where food is the center of attention is tough for a person following a macrobiotic diet. Not just macrobiotic, a restricted macrobiotic diet. And being Italian, it goes without saying that all holidays are centered around food.
Thanksgiving dinner was at Glen's sister's house in Abington. Audra's mother, father, sister and brother Tom (no, that's not a typo) were in attendance. There were twelve adults, three children, a ton of food and lots of leftovers. Audra and Angel, the non-meat eaters, had acorn squash stuff with rice and a bunch of other vegetable based side dishes. I know what you're thinking, and I too have my doubts about Angel’s vegetarianism. Let's just go along with her for a while and some day will find her hiding in the basement with a box of Slim-Jims.
Audra's been moving about pretty well the last few days. She spent some time in the kitchen yesterday preparing food with Angel. She has gone for walks around the block each of the last three days. She's going grocery shopping in the city this afternoon with Angel. But in the meantime she's fooling around on the piano which Angel was just doing a few minutes before her.
Next Tuesday Audra goes back to NY to get her stitches removed and we'll probably get the lab tests for the removed tumor. We're not expecting anything except the obvious from those tests. Audra gets a bit anxious when she thinks about the future and the treatments that may be forthcoming.
Friday, November 29, 2002
Wednesday, November 27, 2002
Wednesday: Soup, poop and flowers. Say what?
Soup, that's all Audra wanted when she woke up. For some reason she decided that she wanted to have a few different soups available for eating any time she wanted them. Soup she wants, soup she gets. Audra and her sister Angel have been cooking all day. Well, Angel has anyway. Some of the things they're cooking are for Audra's macrobiotic Thanksgiving was well. Tofurky anyone?
Those intestinal problems noted yesterday are no longer a problem. Audra emerged from the reading room with a big smile typically on my face after such an event. As noted by the great Birdsboro philopher, Joseph Hagan, there are just three sacred activites from men, eating, pooping and sex. Mr. Hagan observed, each of the aforementioned activities will take precedence in a man's life at any time, on any day. I guess these are the common man's Maslow hierarchy of needs.
Flowers for sale! The house is filling up with flowers. I thought we had a lot of house plants before but now every horizontal surface in the house has a plant or a flower on it. Thanks to all who have called, sent flowers, sent emails or kept Audra in their prayers. Angela and I pray for mommy to feel better every night.
One other note, the last 10 minutes of they Ya-pYa Sisterhood movie have been found. The unnamed sister-in-law survived the Fario girls' verbal attack. She, like I thought is was funny.
Wednesday, November 27, 2002
Tuesday, November 26, 2002
From Glen: Audra's first full day home was a bit of an adjustment. Getting used to regular food was a bigger challenge than she/we had thought. Apparently her body got used to the liquid I.V. diet. Regular food, albeit it macrobiotic, seems to have clogged the digestive system. How one can have an such a big appetite and a 'clogging' problem at the same time is beyond me.
Noise too is a problem. Audra said that she's starting to hear a bit better in her right ear. We found that no matter how many times you tell a 5 year old that she has to talk quietly, like she's in a library, she doesn't seem to understand that means beyond just the current 'word' she is saying. Thank goodness Angela's cousin Paul came over. Immediately upon his arrival they headed straight down to the basement. After Paul left, Angela spent 15 minutes helping me recaulk the shower. That's really 15 minutes of me telling Angela to "get away" but not too far away to bother Audra.
Dutch is finally back home. I picked him up late this afternoon. He was really excited to be home and to see Audra. He really, really loves Audra. She takes him for walks and for rides in the truck, but he should still love me best. I let him run free in the yard and throw the ball around with him. Audra is the only person who regularly use shis electric collar whenver they walk out the door. Dutch the dog is just another stupid male I guess.
Audra and Angel just finished watching 1 hour and 50 minutes of the movie "Ya-Ya Sisterhood" or something like that. Apparently the movie is actually 2 hours long but the person who taped it, let's just call her the "Ya Ya sister-in-law" didn't tape the entire movie. The girls aren't too happy right now. Be certain that said sister-in-law will get an earful in the morning. I'm sure it will be toned down compared to what I heard them say this evening.
But even after the abrupt ending to the movie, Audra retreated to the kitchen for a snack. I think it was chic peas. First question, can chic peas really be classified as a snack? Second question, are chic peas like peanut butter or prune juice to the intestinal system? There should be a manual with this kind of information.
Tuesday, November 26, 2002
From Glen, Monday recap: She's back. Audra yelled at me twice within two minutes of leaving the hospital. I was supposed to drive safely, slowly and smoothly in NYC, please! It took 30 minutes to get out of the city. Once we got through the Lincoln Tunnel it took just and hour to get home. Except for the city, it wasn't too bad.
Audra got comfortable at home while I ran to get her prescriptions filled. After 3 hours getting a few simple prescriptions fill, I finally returned home.
Only a little bit of Audra's scar was sticking out from under her bandana. Angela took a quick look and asked if it hurt and why the doctor did that. The standard answer, " to fix some of mommy's boo-boo's and it really didn't hurt." Audra removed the bandana and we asked Angela the describe shape of the scar. "Kind of like a 'C'. When are we picking up Dutch?" A 7 1/2 inch scar and a bunch of stitches and the 5 year old wants to know when her dog, Dutch, is coming home. I'll be picking him up sometime today, Tuesday.
All Audra wanted to do yesterday when she got home was eat. And she did, macrobiotically of course. Between meals she rested. Eat and rest? Can I get paid to do that? Audra also spent a significant time on the telephone. She was catching up with friends and family who haven't been contacted since the operation and aren't checking this site. Being awake nearly the entire day for the first time, Audra was now getting tired.
With Angela in bed around 9pm, Audra took a hot bath and retired to bed around 10pm. Audra's sister Angel, who's stay with us for a while, retired to the basement to watch the Soap Opera channel---yes, its really exists. I was glued to the Eagles game in the family room. The more things change, the more they really stay the same.
PS - Thanks to all of your notes, emails, calls and flowers. Audra still has not read the emails but I did let her know they are waiting.
Tuesday, November 26, 2002
Sunday, November 24, 2002
From Audra: I’m looking forward to coming home tomorrow. I can’t wait to get out. Angel and Nikki bought me a huge, nearly life-size doll. Angel carried the doll on her back and told me that she thought someone was following her. We got a good laugh out of that. Glen took some pictures of me and the doll. You may see them if he ever figures out how to post the pictures on this web site. If it’s free, he’ll do it.
I’m looking forward to normal food. Normal for me is macrobiotics. Ellen and mom had been cooking for me the week before surgery. I hope both will be able to continue when I get back. They’ve been a great help.
Just before Glen left Langhorne this morning, he called our friends Regina and Tom. They were on their way to Trenton to catch the train to come see me. Instead Glen picked them up and drove them to the door of the hospital. Glen said it took just over an hour from Trenton to the hospital in NYC. That was a Sunday afternoon. I hope my ride home tomorrow, Monday, is just as quick. Did I mention that I was looking forward to going home?!?! It was great to see Regina and Tom. Regina had said the she mistakenly erased Glen’s message so she never really got an update from my surgery. Regina pretty smart, really!
I know I’m feeling better because I’m already getting anxious about what might be next for me as far as treatments go. I’m also worried what Angela will think when she sees my beautiful scar, about 7 ½” in a “C” shape behind my right ear. I miss Angela but Glen keeps reminding me that within a few minutes of seeing her, we’ll be telling her not to do something. Some things will never change. Be prepared for the scar if you come see me. I’ve been told that you can’t see the incision unless you look at me from the left. I hope so but it feels like I have a brick attached to my head.
Apartment update: Nikki and Paul found 3 more cockroaches. One was in the downstairs bathroom and two in an empty closet. Well, empty except for Nikki’s clothes. Nikki is our resident ‘neat freak’ so its extra funny that the cockroaches were in her closet. Isn’t NYC great?
When I get home tomorrow I’ll start reading some emails. Glen’s converting us to Comcast so my new email address is lloydaf@comcast.net. Glen’s is lloydgj@comcast.net.
Hi Valerie, welcome to the web. Perhaps email can be your next conquest.
Sunday, November 24, 2002
Saturday, November 23, 2002
From Glen again: Audra is recovering quite quickly. The surgeon stopped in early this morning before any family members arrived. Audra asked if she was ready to go and she said the doctor thought about it for a second then Audra volunteered to stay until Monday. So she and doctor agreed to a Monday discharge.
Overnight Friday to Saturday, Audra got in and out of bed on her own. She had little choice since she had to use the bathroom and the nurses were not timely to her call. Judi from the neighborhood came up for a few hours this morning. I met Judi at Penn Station and quickly introduced her to the NY subway system. When we arrived at the hospital morning, I saw a marked improvement in Audra's gait and color. She was moving freely and her cheeks were nice and rosy. She must be getting better because she complained about breakfast and was looking forward to a good meal. Audra can tell you how long she had to wait for her sister Angel to deliver that meal. When I left Audra's room Saturday evening, she was free from all tubes and electronics. And except for an antibiotic and a steroid to reduce swelling in the brain, she's drug free. No painkillers, no IV's.
Since Audra is coming home Monday, her father and I decided to come back to Langhorne tonight. After breakfast tomorrow with Angela and my sister, I'm going to return to NYC early Sunday afternoon with my car. I'll stay Sunday night and I'll drive Audra, mom and Nikki home on Monday. BTW, in addition to watching Angela over the past week, my sister really did a great job cleaning the house. In true Karen style, she left no footprints in the carpet. Those of you that know Karen know was I mean. I was thrilled coming home to the house. I know Audra will be too.
Saturday, November 23, 2002
Friday, November 22, 2002
From Glen: Its late Friday afternoon, about 12 hours from the start of yesterday’s surgery. Mom and Dad arrived at the hospital at 8:45am this morning, I got there soon after. Audra was still in the recovery room. Apparently no beds were available so they just kept her there. The recovery room was gearing up for a busy morning so we were quickly asked to leave. That makes about 4 times in 24 hours we’ve been asked to leave. We’re such troublemakers.
Around 1pm we found out that Audra had moved into a regular room, 10B-33. Audra is getting her wits about her. She is fully aware of everything going on albeit she’s only awake about 10 minutes of each hour. We got a few smiles out of her this afternoon when we hung some pictures that our neighbor Judi, her daughter Samantha and Angela made. The doctor stopped in at 3:30pm to check on Audra. He wants her up and about by tomorrow, Saturday. Once Audra heard that, she ordered the return of her toothbrush, pajamas and slippers. I think she’ll get out of the bed before the night is out.
We haven’t seen the scar yet. She does have a nice size bandage behind her right ear where there is a little blood leaking out. There is also some swelling around the incision and more swelling below the ear and the right side of her neck. Nice image, huh? If one would look at Audra straight on or from the left side, you would not even know she had surgery. Her color is great and as the medication is wearing off, her eyes are opening wider and becoming clearer.
Friday, November 22, 2002
Thursday, November 21, 2002
As told by Glen on 11/21/02: I didn’t sleep very well last night. Maybe it was general anxiety or, maybe it was the huge cockroach I saw in the bathroom just before I went to bed. I couldn’t take anything to help me sleep, no drugs before surgery plus I wasn’t allowed to eat or drink after midnight.
I walked with Nikki and Glen to the hospital from the apartment, about 15 blocks. It helped being out in the cool air and among the people. It kept my mind off things at least for 15 minutes or so. We arrived at the hospital at 9:30am, a half hour early. Coffee and tea for everyone except me then up to admissions.
Look out, brain surgery patient, special case coming through….
No such luck. We sat and waited, and waited, and waited until 3:30pm. Six full, anxiety packed, starving hours. They finally called my name. And not soon enough, dad simply ran out of things to read in the waiting room. He didn’t say two words in the six hours but he read everything.
We found out later that my doctors were in surgery from 8:15am until the time they called me. They’re predicting 3-4 hours for my surgery. I say, take your time. While waiting in the pre-op room, I heard someone puking, repeatedly. Since my doctor heard the guy too, he assured me that neurosurgeons have much better drugs so that won’t happen to me. Okay, I waited long enough, and heard enough. Put me under quickly and let’s get this over with.
From Glen:
As soon as Audra went in, we ran across the street from the hospital to A Big Fat Greek Wedding kind of restaurant. By 6pm we were back in the waiting room. Then, at 7:30pm we were unceremoniously kicked out of the OR waiting area. Who knew it even closed? Hector, Pedro, whoever told us we had to leave and retreat to an 8’ x 8’ physician consultation lounge located 3 feet from the waiting room. That “cube” already had three grieving family members from another operation, it seated 4 total, so we retreated to the main lobby of the hospital, all 5 of us.
At 9:30pm, exactly 12 hours after our arrival, the doctors met us in the lobby and recapped Audra’s procedure. They estimated that 50% of the tumor was removed. They avoided anything too invasive, assuring her a comfortable recovery and a chance to battle the cancer via other means. Good news? Not exactly. Bad news? Not really. One surgeon suggested enrolling her in a study being conducted in conjunction with Harvard University where they’re using a new oral chemotherapy drug to retard the growth of cancer cells. Both doctors agreed that any treatment from this point forward is a long shot but one never knows. The surgeons will consult with Audra’s oncologist on the program. I told her just before surgery, no matter the outcome, this is not the end, its just the beginning. Between macrobiotics, technology, pharmacology and God, sequence is up to the reader, one cannot predict what another 6 months, 1 year or 5 years may bring. Audra’s a fighter and she’s not willing to give up easily despite the test on her convictions over the past month.
What about the 50% of the tumor they couldn’t get? Doctor said that it was penetrating in different nooks and crannies of her brain and he wasn’t comfortable hunting and pecking, jeopardizing important nerves and other brain functions. Of course the doctors didn’t say “nooks and crannies” or “hunting and pecking” but that’s how I can best recall the image he described. You get the point.
Given the hour, I tried to convince Angel and Nikki not to call everyone on Audra’s “must call” list. However nobody wanted to face Audra and tell her that someone wasn’t called. So we called. Angel, Nikki and I divided the calls. Nikki and Angel were calling people they didn’t know. Kudos to Nikki and Angel, they’ve been amazing.
At 10:15pm we finally got to see Audra in the recovery room. Groggy is an understatement. A nice C-shaped bandage behind her right ear. But in true Audra fashion, her first call was for “pain medicine.” She never asked about the surgery. She was happy should could see and hear. I think she was even happy to see me. I think I like Audra on drugs.
BTW, there’s something cathartic about writing this log. I’m not exactly sure why, but it feels good.
Thursday, November 21, 2002
Wednesday, November 20, 2002
We arrived in NYC at 5pm via train, via subway, and we're still alive. Note, you cannot fit a person and a full-size suitcase through a subway turnstile. 2BR, 2B apartment isn't bad for NYC but second bedroom is in the basement that's fully finished. The apartment was about 90 degrees. It took about 15 minutes to find that there was not thermostat, just a hose-like valve to turn off and on the radiator. We "cranked" it down.
I'm doing fine given what's coming tomorrow. Glen noticed me limping slightly today, favoring one leg. I didn't know I was doing it and nothing really hurts. We're waiting for my sister to pick a place to eat -- she already had a few -- Dad's reading his book and we're not sure he even knows he's in NY. I'm feeling pretty good now but I'm not sure how long this will hold. As soon as we walked in the door, Glen got a call from the Dr. office confirming my arrival at 10am tomorrow at St. Luke's Roosevelt for surgery. I was hoping they were calling to cancel. Perhaps too wishful!
Wednesday, November 20, 2002
Sunday, November 17, 2002
The final weekend before my surgery. We had a big dinner at mom and dad's yesterday at my request. I had fun but Glen pointed out that I zoned out a few times. I thought the gathering would lift my spirits, and it did for some time. But then again, I thought too of the possibility that I might not be around for gathering like this in the future.
In general I feel fine but when I think about the surgery and my last scans, the more aches and pains I feel. Glen reminded me that my all previous "spots" of cancer have always bothered me until the next test revealed something new and the old spot goes away almost instantly. He reminded me of a few years ago when I wouldn't sleep on my right side because the doctor told me sI had a leision or "spot" on my hip. I haven't thought about my hip for over a year.
At night my mind races with thoughts of the cancer in my body. I am trying my hardest to turn those negative thoughts positive. Glen and I chatted about the "why me" feelings I was having. God does things like this for a reason, right?
Sunday, November 17, 2002
Tuesday, November 12, 2002
Met with my macrobiotic counselor today. He tightened my diet and recommended a few procedures to prepare me for next Thursday's surgery. I'm still anxious about the surgery. Just thinking about waking up afterwards in the intestive care unit makes me sick to my stomach. Glen and I try to explain what going on with me to Angela. We want to be honest with her but we don't want to scare her. When we explain that the Dr. is going take out a boo-boo on her bone, Angela wants to know how they're goinig to do that without making another boo-boo. Good question!
Tuesday, November 12, 2002
Wednesday, November 06, 2002
After two days of tremendous anticipation, today we received a surgery date of 11/21/02. With 5-10 days of recovery, this won't be the first Thanksgiving that Glen and I spend in a NYC hospital.
Luckily for us, Angela will be off from school the entire week of 11/25. Glen wants to bring Angela to NY, I want her to stay home with her friends and family. We'll work this out, I'm sure.
The anxiety is high and the tiny pills don't seem to help much.
Wednesday, November 06, 2002
|
|
| |
|
|
|
